How To Win Total Drama For Dummies
by TheForsakenPencil
Summary: Ever wanted to win Total Drama? Well here are some simple steps to do it.


_**HOW TO WIN TOTAL DRAMA:  
**_

1\. Never EVER, EVER, EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR trust what Mclean says.

2\. Don't be a dick. Just don't.

3\. If you are being attacked by a bear, do not run, its probably Izzy.

3.5. In the rare case that it is an actual bear...well...ask Cody how well that turned out.

4\. Do not sing.

4.5. If you are in World Tour, ignore the above.

5\. If you get into a relationship...get out of right away! It will always end with one of you being eliminated, most likely you.

5.5. But don't be a jackass when you end it, that ensures your doom

6\. If you are good for ratings, Chris will bend the rules so you can stay around. So be a fan fave. Do not be a Leonard that nobody likes. Be a Noah that the fans love.

6.1. This works better if your a funny fat guy, a villain, or are a nerd.

6.2. Although it will get you eliminated, kissing a same-sex person on the ear will make you an instant fan fave.

7\. If its somebody's birthday, do NOT bake them a cake.

8\. If you are eliminated because of a plotting villain, do not wait untill your at the exit; scream it at the top of your lungs who the treacherous snake is.

9\. Never reveal what your phobia is, Chris will make sure that you see it as much as possible.

10\. Do not touch any Egyptian artifacts.

11\. Chivalry is dead...because it does not mean that your opponent will do the same, ask Justin about that one.

12\. If you are on a "Team Victory", give up now.

12.5. However; if you are on a "Team Amazon", kick back and relax (at least until a love triangle shows up.)

13\. If you don't say enough, say goodbye.

13.5. Same for if you talk too much.

14\. Do not be named "Ezekiel"

* * *

15\. If somebody says "its nothing". then its definitely something.

16\. Beware of Eels.

17\. The first thing you should do is look for the idol.

17.5. Bonus points for making a fake idol for some other sucker to find.

18\. If you see a goth, chances are they are an artistic goth who is actually very friendly (Gwen).

18.5. In the case that its an actual goth (Ennui and Crimson), stay far away from them and their little bunny of death.

19\. Do not bad mouth the host, it will come back to bite you.

20\. If you are a busty blonde, do not even bother coming, you wont win

20.1. Same goes for if your are handsome but not smart.

20.2 Also if you like the number 9.

20.3. And if you are rich...

20.4. And if you can teleport,

21\. Do not try to get on the show as an intern unless you have a death wish

22\. Chances are; those parachutes do not have parachutes in them.

23\. Beware of The Golden Shovel.

24\. Chances are that you are going to have to bust of of jail/prison/captivity at least once. In that case, DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE! It never ends well for the poor chap.

24.5 If escaping is the challenge, ignore the above.

25\. If you have the idol, DO NOT KEEP IT UNDER YOUR PILLOW OR UNDER YOUR BED! That is the first place idol thieves look.

26\. Beware of local wildlife

27\. Do not take any shark teeth from sharks. There will be hell to pay.

28\. Remember that Chris can change the rules whenever he wants (which is often), so stay alert!

* * *

29\. As nonthreatening as she seems, Sierra is the biggest threat to your chances of winning. She knows EVERYTHING about you.

29.5. If you are a first timer, ignore the above.

30\. As threatening as he seems, Justin is harmless if you don't flounder to his looks

30.5. If you have no brain...well...you were doomed anyway...

31\. If an evil contestant is warning you that there is a much bigger evil...its 50/50 on whether or not they are telling the truth.

32\. If they say "Do not take anything", DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING!

33\. Do not be annoying, unless you want to be the first to go.

34\. Beware of people who will eavesdrop on you in the confessional.

35\. Do not brag about your job, nobody cares.

36\. You may start to suffer Flanderization, if you are around for long enough, whether it is good or bad will vary.

36.5. Side Effects include (but not limited to): Becoming stupider, becoming more one-note, losing positive traits, and a rash.

37\. You will find out quickly that there will be a lot of farting and vomiting on this show; get used to it.

38\. Go ahead, anger Eva, tell me how many unbroken bones you have after its over.

39\. Do not slack off in challenges, do your fair share of work.

40\. Form an alliance. Preferably with somebody who is likeable; yet easy to defeat in the final 2.

* * *

41\. If at all possible, get rid of the strongest people first without being sent off yourself.

42\. Watch what you say! Word of mouth travels like the plague on this show. And before long; it will get to the ears of people who want you gone.

43\. Do not touch any green substance. Unless you want to become a monster.

44\. For your own personal safety, stay out of the woods unless absolutely necessary.

45\. If Sierra has taught us anything, you can make a laptop out of a pizza box and a rat. With your Macguyver Laptop, use it to go on the Internet and watch episodes of the season your on right now to find the biggest threats to your victory.

45.5. If you are caught doing this, say goodbye.

46\. If you are on World Tour, Yes; this plane IS a death trap

47\. For the more villainous prospector, stop being evil right now. Unless there is another villain that you have a "complicated" relationship with, you will get your just desserts and lose.

47.5. However...stealing everybody's stuff, then blaming somebody else, is a surprisingly effective way to get somebody you don't like off.

48\. Before you come onto the show, RE-WATCH PAST SEASONS! You would be surprised how many people fall for the same tricks over and over again..

49\. If you have two black dots for eyes, you are doomed

49.1. Same goes if you wear a cowboy hat...

49.2. Also goes if you have unusual colored hair...

49.3. And if you like animals...

49.4. And especially if you are the last M/F on your team

49.5. If you were the only M/F on your team to begin with, ignore the above

* * *

50\. If you find yourself at a movie studio, do not try to make an illegal alliance with the local cook. You will become guilty and the imagine of your mother will guilt trip you into quitting.

51\. If your gonna make out with somebody in the bathroom, make sure the door is locked.

51.1. If you paid attention to Tip #5, you should know that you should not even be doing this in the first place.

51.2. But if you must, be warned that Chris tends to have fake locks that you THINK work..but don't.

52\. Taping yourself to a tree will NOT make you stay awake.

53\. If an evil contestant takes over the show and demands the money or else they will kill everybody, just charge straight at them. When do these kinda of plans ever go well for the villain?

54\. No matter how many times you get mauled, food sickness, or beaten up; you will not die (Unless you are an intern, they you die from being hit in the stomach with a feather.)

55\. If you are eliminated and are on the aftermath with a chance to come back, do not let the host get impatient and answer for you. You will lose your one chance to come back

56\. If you are informed that a mad killer is coming after you and the other contestants, you should all stay in a group and form a back-to-back circle so he cant sneak up behind anyone.

56.5. The above tip also applies if you are in a horror movie

57\. Beware...The day Team E-Scope reunites will be the most important day of your life. But for them...it will be Tuesday.

58\. The Idol on Boney Island is a lie

59\. Do NOT go on a season if it's name is "All-Star"

59.5. Alternatively, if it's named "Island" "World Tour" or "Ridonculous Race", get your ass signed up. You will have the time of your life.

 **RIDONCULOUS RACE SPECIFIC TIPS**

60\. Don't make an alliance with The LARPers

61\. Do not go on RR if you are a 60+ year old man

61.1. Or if you are a Rock Star

61.2. Or a Vegan

61.3. Or if you have a step brother that you are not fond of

62\. Do not pick up the cheese, roll it across the ground

63\. If the tide washes your sand castle away, go move back a few feet. The Geniuses can tell you what happens if you do not follow this step

64\. Be warned; you will get fined for "Excessive Complaining"

65\. Do not team up with your father

65.1. Or your mother

65.2. And especially not your lover

66\. Even if you don't get last, that does not mean you are safe from elimination, ask The Rockers about that one.

67\. Yes, we all know what those tennis machines look like...

68\. Whether you like it or not, Kitty will take a selfie with you sooner or later.

69\. Don is about 10x nicer then Chris...but that does not mean he wont occasionally dickish things.

70\. Don't try and change your look, it will only last one episode.

71\. Alliances are less important in this format, do not beat yourself up trying to get one.

71.5. That being said, you should still get one.

72\. When you have to stick you hand into a mitt full of fire ants, put some leaves over your hand and wear them as protective gloves.

72.5. Be warned though, some dummies who read this guide used poisonous leaves and just made it 10x worse for themselves.

73\. Make sure both your feet are in the Chill Zone

74\. Teaming up with your childhood best friend tends to have some...interesting results.

75\. Before you go, make sure your beloved other does not go to tennis class.

76\. In traffic jams, it is sometimes just wiser and faster to walk it out.

76.5. However, be warned that this may get you a time penalty.

77\. Be ware of any pets that the other teams have. Loki is a prime example of this tip.

78\. Use the bathroom BEFORE the next leg of the race starts

79\. When you are within earshot of The Ice Dancers, yell the words "SILVER MEDAL!" at the top of your lungs and run. The results will be hilarious.

79.5. However, don't be shocked when you suddenly are eliminated under strange circumstances not too soon after.

80\. No, that is not Courtney...I think...


End file.
